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April 07 2017

Ye gods
I dont know why
I call her when something happens,
Ice flows from her lips
like a waterfall
sharp, jagged and slow

July 10 2015


A Recent Loss happened

I don't know loss the way my lover does
It does not creep upon me and jump
It does not wrap dark arms around me
and drag me down like it does him
Grief is alien to me in the way that he has felt it
He has felt it like a knife in the heart
the lost of a friend
and an old lover
My brushes with loss are small, simple
and his are a pit that seem to never end
How can I compare what I know to his loss
How can I comfort him when I know not what he feels
How can i say "it is alright"
to reassure, when I have no experience to give
To me loss is like a single hair lost on the wind
Once mine but no longer
Something that cannot be mourned because it is bound to happen
Loss is just that loss gone no longer here
and yet he grieves and I did not,
I did not grieve when loss took a loved one from me
I must be strange, the true alien
when he can grieve so deep over loss
I do not feel anger over this sadness he feels of
his old lover
rather a small bit of my soul mourness with his
but not to the same expanse
I will pick up his pieces and cradle them the best I can
Yet I feel it might be like holding water
worthless without a cup or bowl

July 08 2015

What can I say about the beach...
It's sandy,
so sandy you'll wonder if the sand will be gone by this time two years from now.
Its wet if you're near the ocean and no matter where you go it's going to be hot unless you go in the winter, goodness give me trees and grass any day but keep me from the sand

June 25 2015

I feel the need for waves
Of oceans turning tidal waves
Of water crashing to the shore
To rid me from the world
Not Strong enough to stand
Or even to remain on Land
Sweep me far from the shore
so I can rest forever more

There's a point where
once you've failed so many times
you wish to fail forever more
despite your want to not fail
It seems far easier to go ahead and give up
than to pick myself up again and keep going
maybe it's fear of hearing words spat out like some Gregorian chant
filled with hate and brimming with vile

and yet someone always seems to wake me up
to pull back the waves and simultaneously grab my arm
they somehow become the anchor and the moon at once
reassuring me that everything is fine
until the next time
until the sweeping need to drown rolls over me
like a wave upon the sand
Those days when it feels like the sun should crashed down
Drown the world in flames and yet
at the same time ice should be enveloping the world
Its the feeling of a promise that you can't keep
the dread of something creeping in and swallowing you whole
its the glare of someone you should be able to trust
that you realize you shouldn't
but some how you keep on trusting them
its the fate of one who can't make their way in the world
forever doomed to walk the shadows
of those deemed more important and loved

June 14 2015

do you ever have those days when its raining outside
it'll start
rain pouring down from the heavens
and then before you have time to properly think
"oh it's raining"
it done
and you're left wondering if ever really did rain
or if it was just your imagination
until you go outside and glance at the ground
maybe dig your fingers into the wet earth just to make sure
you mind wasn't messing you up
not so screwed on here but if I was on tumblr I'd be having a problem because my Icon over their is a freaking Flying Lemur from AtLA


international cut your hair like your icon day how screwed are you

Reposted fromvelvetsquiddleknit velvetsquiddleknit

June 03 2015

dreams surround me,
baying at my heels the nightmares scare
and innocence lay far behind them.
Safe I feel the power
I glance behind my fine red stead
The sound of a child crying,
my younger years astounded
I grin and show adult teeth
and turn to my entourage and leave childhood behind me
Sweet tomorrow
I watch the sky, eyes wide
Wondering on tomorrow
I think of smiles and sapphire eyes
and dream of his sweet farewell of "tomorrow"

May 09 2015


I'm the goddamn sidenotes and you're the fucking universe

sometimes I feel like I'm the sidenotes and you're the whole fucking book.
You've got all the answers and I only have questions.
You make perfect grades in this thing called life, while I'm straight up failing.
Your the Sun, a galaxy, the whole universe and I'm nothing but a speck of dust on an eyelash.
I'm the kid with a pool noodle and you're the one with the goddamn boat.
You've got me following your every word,
listing to the drip from your lips like rain from the sky
You're perfect, everything
and I'm...
I'm nothing more than the footnotes of a long boring ass paper.
He's got me listing to love songs
like some type of fool
Is this the kindling of a fire
or a thunder storm?

He's got me dancing around my room
and smiling like a child
when my phone goes off
I hope its him
calling me

May 07 2015

So going on a date today
So like somehow going away to college and coming back has somehow made me more attractive? like I come home and like two different people ask me out, which is like a big deal because I'm like trash(homestuck trash lol references!) and like no one asked me out in high school. SO I'm just like what changed about me that caused these guys to be all wow look at hrewannabe lets ask her out on a date! though to be fair the 1st guy is kind of annoying cause he was like "are you single?" and then "wanna be my girlfriend" but with grammar worse than mine, and just non-stop facebook messages of "hey" "text me" while the second was all "okay, this is a long shot(which it isn't becaue this guy is so handsome like dang dude I know you lift)...would you like to go on a date? it doesn't have to be serious or anything" like he's super polite and I've actually had conversations with him about actual stuff I like, and just like he's super cool!

but anyways I'm just like why are you people interest in me now?
is it the way I walk? or is it the fact that I don't wear sweat pants every day now? or is it the fact that I'm more open, talk more, and smile real smile since having gone away for a year? 
Like what is now, what's changed or is the water at my school that makes women strong, fearless, and capable?
I have no idea but it's nice, positive attention, though that first boy is getting shut down because he's very rude, but in a nice way

May 06 2015

0428 5908 500




Very cool looking Field of Wheat next to Lavender 


May 05 2015


This kid (whose not actually a kid) but like child no

why are_ some_ boys so confusing and full of drama, like no I don’t want you in my life with your drama tryin to be all “date me!” when I’m just like “I gotta study, I got places to be,” I don’t have time to text you or see your Facebook message saying ‘text me’ like child back off, and stop asking stupid personal questions ask me what my fav book is or about running just like don’t ask about where I live when you’re not picking me up to go out somewhere because that’s like a warning light going off in my head like child, man, person please back up a few seconds and look at what you just said! or like have no contact since at least 7th grade and then be all “do you wanna be my gf” like child I don’t know you, not anymore like it’s been at least 5 years since we had an actual conversation! I don’t know if I ever like you as a friend or even just somebody I know. and the silly questions of “will you date me if I don’t have a car?” !!!!!! child I’m not gonna date you for money, you’re only 18/19 like back up hold on a second what type of person do you take me for, like you do remember me right? like I’m some type of nerd child who likes history and wants to teach immature brats not some foolish child who only cares about popularity and money, if I was I would of gotten better grades in high school and apply to bigger schools, I would have been a cheerleader instead of a runner, just no child no! The personality that’s what I care about

but at first I was just like maybe he’s like awkward like this one guy I know, but the more I talk to him the more I realize he’s not awkward at all he just has poor choice in words and can’t finish or fill in all the words for his text so I’m like guessing half of what he’s saying. like no please no, if you’re gonna act like this go away and then be all “my father doesn’t like people asking people out over facebook! so he’s mad” like child neither do I, we aren’t dating like no I said maybe a date like a movie date, and that was last week, and then today he was all “are we dating now?” like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna scream, do you not remember what I said last week! child stop and look at that text, now wait a minute and let it sink in, do I look that stupid? or did you just glance at my  facebook profile and go “gosh golly, I remember her she’s really pretty now, let me chat her up, maybe two minutes into a conversation is a good time ask her to date me despite having had not contact for a few years and she’ll say yes, because she’s single and must need to date someone to be happy and crap” like no! stop right there and back off like a vampire approached by the sun, I might would like to go on a date with someone (yep), and maybe I would like a great deal to hold somebodies hand, and just ya know have someone there to like do stuff with and cuddle with and crap like that but like I’d actually like to know them, for real instead of barely two weeks worth of facebook convos and texting which primarily consists of him saying “text me” and asking prying questions that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with people I don’t see almost everyday that are my friends, like child you don’t need to know the location of my work or my house! You also don’t ask someone how much they make at their job, like child stop, that’s rude…just like please I don’t want to talk all the time, like can you stop, please like some days I don’t even want to talk to my friends (okay but that’s more of a can I just chill in your presence with out feeling like I have to open my mouth)

but basically people a lot more trouble, well this one anyway than there worth

why did I want to try this

I can barely remember this boy, child, person, thing

like I just wanna go to college get my degree and teach

not deal with him and his whining

I just want like something chill

maybe a cuddle buddy

should I just put an add in the paper like

 “cuddle buddy and hand holder wanted”

needs no previous experience, can have recommendations if wanted

can be paid or can be mutual”

or should I just like post on a one of those site things/places like 

“mutual cuddle buddy and hand holder wanted” (want not need because I can live with out)

but like seriously why him?





oh my god i had this amazing dream that homestuck had an update where it was LIVE ACTION???? and dave was in comic form and he went off to fight lord english alone. and when he got there IT WAS LIVE ACTION, AND HE KIND OF LOOKED LIKE ME? AND HE WAS USING COOL TIME POWERS AND HE LOOKED BADASS AND IT WAS HELLA REAL AND UGH<3 


Just wait, act 7 will be in live action, he’s covered almost everything else now

in the next act theyre going to be in our house dude

you wake up and hussie is leaning over you “hey. you awake? okay. we’re going to begin now. okay, places everyone!”

you are confused and half naked and its way too early to be up, but here you go

2596 b65c
Reposted fromIamdonehere Iamdonehere
3708 5c6f


trash :P

Reposted fromvelvetsquiddleknit velvetsquiddleknit


right so I'm the oldest sibling in my family, and I have two younger siblings, both of whom I haven't seen a lot off since I'm going to college in another town that's 2 and a half hours away. While I was at school my brain conveniently forgot how difficult it is to be at home with my mother and sisters, (my father is rather calm and levelheaded; and not prone to bursts of anger and/or unhappyness). So of course today has been a bit trying, as since school has let out I've been helping my Dad out at his shop (making trophies, awards, and doing framing) and when I'm not doing that I'm trying to clean up my room, and get rid of stuff (as well as remove the last of the chicken stuff my mother had in my room while I was gone), which doesn't really leave somebody time to be alone and just away from other people to just kind of recharge(is that the right word?). Anyways it's been a bit hair-tearing over here. SO anyways back to the point of this post is that I have a tendency to mumble in my head about people when I'm displeased, upset, just at anytime I have a comentary going like 24/7. So the middle sister was all don't kennel your dog with mine (which we usually put them up together) and I was all like "..okay" and took my dog out of the kennel and took him to the kitchen to put him in the older kennel which smells terrible (not that my sister minds my dog smelling bad) so I was muttering about her under my breath out loud as I walked my dog back there, and of course she hears me running my mouth. Now you might think 'whatever, that's not that bad' but it is because she has the temper of an angry stallion, or an animal put in a fighting ring, she's always mad, and when she's not she probably will be in a minute, and she thinks that almost everyone is inferior to her. So I realized she was there and was all "oh my gosh I'm so sorry I was just upset" and she was all "WHATEVR"
anyways that's me
being a complete and utter failure like usual haha
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